‘Vagina’. What’s so particular about it? Why do we always find it weird to talk about vaginas in public? Personally, I don’t think I know my own vagina enough to be talking about other women’s vaginas, which leads me to wonder - is it really okay to be so uninformed about them in general?
It makes me feel quite sad that in daily conversations vaginas are not an exciting topic for women but are one for men; often, among the male population, the word ‘vagina’ is recurring and central to many conversations that don’t necessarily involve sex. It’s not okay. Women should be able to make ‘vaginas’ a normal topic to discuss on a daily basis too, without having to put quotation marks around it. For this reason, I’m now going to share some thoughts around the subject, starting with my own personal experience.
Before my first time, I had spent years wondering what sex would feel like. Was it going to be painful? Pleasurable? Exciting? Researching on the Internet wouldn’t be the best way to answer my curiosities, so I would have to ask my girlfriends. Still, all I would get would be very specific, based on my friends’ personalities. No one ever has the exact same experiences because sex hasn’t got a formula or a set of rules. I have to admit that masturbation was always the key to self-exploration and to understanding how orgasms come about; at the end of the day, who knows our body better than ourselves? When the day came, I trusted the person I was ‘offering’ my body to, thinking they would know what buttons to press to make me feel good. With my biggest disappointment, all I would experience for several months after that first time was a very mechanical routine that would repeat itself each time I would have sex, without myself ever feeling satisfied with it.
Unfortunately, things haven’t been better since. I blame society and the porn film industry for the pressure they put on women when it comes to sex. We get treated like objects that are supposed to orgasm every time a penis enters our premises. On top of that, I bet there are still people that don’t know anything about the existence of the clit, U-Spot, G-Spot and A-Spot (vaginas are not simple guys, take down some notes!). We must educate our sexual partners on what drives us crazy the most. It’s normal and natural, therefore no one should feel ashamed to say that out loud. Thankfully, times are changing! Kanye West’s new song ‘I Love It’ starts with the following words: “ 'Cause you know in the old days they couldn't say the shit they wanted to say. They had to fake orgasms and shit.We can tell niggas today, Hey, I wanna cum, mothafucka!". The video has now reached 245’7778’884 views, isn’t this fantastic news? I don’t personally like his music but I’ve got to say that the impact that a rapper like him can make on the younger generations is huge; now people will watch this video and reconsider things that a few years ago nobody would have even thought about. Similarly, there are talents like Anna Arrowsmith, a woman that has been making porn for women for the past 12 years. Mainstream porn mainly focuses on male pleasure, reducing women to objects that are present to please men; in Anna’s films, we finally see a feminist approach in which women and men have opposite roles, and female pleasure becomes the focus.
To end on a positive note, I would like to say to the boys reading this that I don’t hate you lads. I’m not angry with every single man in the world. I’m only extremely angry with the horrible system we live in, still permeated with traditional values that don’t address women directly. We must demand more and give both sexes an equal amount of pleasure and awesome sex. Let’s just not forget about dropping the quotation marks on the word ‘vagina’! VAGINAS are beautiful and full of magic.
- Kanye West’s song ‘I Love It’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwQgjq0mCdE
- Anna Arrowsmith’s article about feminist porn: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/22/porn-women
- All illustrations by Jack Zhang